What parts of the Bible, if any, are inappropriate to read to children? Why?

Apart from parable (Song 8:1, Nah 3:5, etc), in reality:

[3] And I will make thee swear by the LORD, the God of Heaven, and the God of the Earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell:

[45] Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to KISS my FEET.

How do you have intercourse with a girl who can remember you for a long time?

Gen 24:2–3 on “primitive” gesture of touching a loin (under a thigh) for a vow.

[2] And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my THIGH:

Lk 7

How do you stop your balls from sweating?

Nah 3

Jer 8

[1] O that thou wert as my brother, that SUCKED the breasts of my mother: when I should find thee without, I would kiss thee; yea, I should not be despised.

Its year 2041, and president Hunter Biden has ordered every republican who sweared at him to be arrested and shot. I am on my way to the death row listening to the cheer of the Liberal mob chanting death death death. How can I escape?

Isa 13

[15] Every one that is found shall be thrust through; and every one that is joined unto them shall fall by the sword.

[8] And I will SELL your sons and your DAUGHTERS into the hand of the children of Judah, and they shall SELL them to the Sabeans, to a people far off: for the LORD hath spoken it.

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Jesus’ Feet Smooching in Lk 7:44.

[10] Therefore will I GIVE their WIVES unto others, and their fields to them that shall inherit them: for every one from the least even unto the greatest is given to covetousness, from the prophet even unto the priest every one dealeth falsely.

[16] Their children also shall be DASHED to pieces before their eyes; their houses shall be spoiled, and their WIVES ravished.

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Song 8

[14] And it shall be as the chased roe, and as a sheep that no man taketh up: they shall every man turn to his own people, and flee every one into his own land.

[14] I will NOT punish your DAUGHTERS when they commit whoredom, nor your SPOUSES when they commit adultery: for themselves are separated with whores, and they sacrifice with harlots: therefore the people that doth not understand shall fall.

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Hos 4

Gen 24

[5] Behold, I am against thee, saith the LORD of hosts; and I will DISCOVER thy SKIRTS upon thy face, and I will shew the nations thy nakedness, and the kingdoms thy shame.

Trump is shot, tackled by SS agents, yet then stands, defiant, with fist high, and 52 hours later, walks into the Republican Convention to thunderous applause. Is there anything that can stop this man, who loves his country? Does he get your vote?

Joel 3

[13] Therefore I will shake the Heavens, and the Earth shall remove out of her place, in the wrath of the LORD of hosts, and in the day of his fierce anger.

[44] And he turned to the woman, and said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head.

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